Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
