hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
