How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
