i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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