Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
