Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
