is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
