We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
