Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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