You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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