Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
