we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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