shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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