So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
