I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
