i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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