just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
