It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
