As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
