You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no, he came in my armpit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
