you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
