I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
