i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
