Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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