They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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