It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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