is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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