My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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