Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
