Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
FUCK WHALES
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