we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
