I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i now understand why vodka
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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