i wish there were pregnant emoticons
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
