is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
