Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
