I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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