he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
