apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
