Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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