if i can run in heels then i can drive
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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