I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Terrible idea I love it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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