She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
