The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
