she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
