My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
