I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
