So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
