we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
