and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
