sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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