I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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