remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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